The Block’s strapline is something like: “the cheapest bar in the Yumbo and that includes the staff”.

British run bar and the drinks are cheap (so are the staff). Excellent location to indulge one of the centre’s sports - people-watching.

It does have a darkroom but it’s not the most used on the island and I haven’t been in for years. 

Leaving the Block turn right and you’ll pass even more gay bars. Turn left at the end, passing Ricky’s where there will no doubt be some form of cabaret on the stage you come to Cellar Bar but it’s too early for that so next door is......

Construction Bar. German run and now very popular since they’ve opened up the terrace. Gets very busy. Darkrooms are inside and to the right as you enter. Not one of my favourites but that’s me.

By now I‘m now usually ready for a bar that’s designed for sex - Cellar Bar.

The terrace isn’t used much, if at all. Most of the clientele have done their people watching and are now people shagging. Although they have a different theme evey night it’s sometimes difficult to tell them apart. Naked is accepted every night and other nights it’s Speedos or Jocks or similar.

Charge is 5 Euros each but that includes a free drink (and to get the most of your money have a “long” drink, e.g. vodka and coke.

You pay your 5 Euro at the door and you’re given a carrier bag (small!) and you head left to get undressed. Hand the bag to the door man and he will put a wristband on with your number (to charge future drinks to) and give you a token for your first drink. And off you go.....most of the sex goes on in the darkroom (head to the right of the bar and follow your dick...) although quite a lot goes on in the main bar area.

When you are well and truly satiated go back to the doorman who will hand you your bag. Get changed, pay and leave.

By now it’s probably time to head up one floor. Directly above Construction Bar You will find Cruise Bar, Prison Bar and, a new one for us, The Box. In between these are couple of “fluffier” bars, one being the always packed Dutch bar (name?) playing camp Eurotrash disco music and the Dutch know all ghe words and dance moves........

The quirkiest of these must be Prison Bar, which is run by a Ralf (German) and his other half who just seem to drink their own profits. They must be doing something right though as the bar has been there forever. It’s a small place with the bar set out in the middle. The bar itself is a cage and woe betide anyone who places their drinks on the wrong side of the bars. Each time you order a drink you have to chink glasses with Ralf and say “Prost” (German for cheers). The darkroom is not used much and the urinal is a bath so if that happens to be your scene…..

The Box (no picture yet) is new and when we popped in very quiet. However, someone we met said that the previous night it had been quiet busy, he had enjoyed himself and that the airconditioning in the darkroom was excellent. However, we’ve seen a number of bars come and go as it’s location isn’t that good, being at the end of the floor. Most people probably only notice it when leaving the Yumbo. Hopefully I’ll have more to report when I return in January.

Towards the end of the night anyone left standing heads for Cruise bar which has moved and expanded over the years. Toilets and darkrooms are at either end and buying at least one drink is compulsory. It’s now open until 5am.

If you still haven’t copped off then head home and try around your pool (assuming you’re staying in the right sort of complex!)